Finding a Homeschool Mentor

Wouldn’t it be great if there was a dating app for homeschool mentors? We could enter our preferences and swipe to connect with someone who could help us navigate this crazy world we have entered.

I remember being a new mom, and then a new homeschool mom, and hearing multiple people tell me some variation of “Find a mentor.” The problem was, they never told me how. I saw friends who had older, wiser parents in their circles whom they could go to for advice, help, or even just to vent a little. But I had no idea how they got there.

I’m embarrassed to admit that, for years, I genuinely thought it would magically happen, similar to a ’90s rom-com. Maybe we’d bump into each other in the sandpit, or she would see me struggling with my school-aged children in the grocery store during school hours and just know that I needed her help.

Needless to say, my “wait for someone to fall into my lap” approach did not work. I honestly developed (more than a little) bitterness toward all those farther-along parents who seemed to have it all together but didn’t have the time to help me. Why was no one reaching out? Why was no one offering to adopt me as their lost little homeschool parent who desperately needed a good home?

Fast-forward many years, and I am the older and wiser parent. And I now pass along the same advice—find yourself a mentor. However, I also have a plan. Well, maybe not a plan. A collection of helpful tips—not foolproof, but crafted from years of experience on both the newbie and veteran sides of homeschooling. I hope these help you make meaningful connections with other parents on this homeschool journey.

Tip #1—Work from a common connection

Even though it would make a great movie, my grocery-store mom meet-cute never happened. Chances are, you’re not going to chance upon a good mentor. Work from a common connection. Shared activities (dance, church, martial arts), park days, field trips, and local Facebook groups are all great places to start. You can also ask your HST if any parents on their roster would be a good fit. 

Tip #2—Look a few years ahead

Now that you know where to look, focus on who you should be looking for. Find someone who is a few steps ahead of you on their homeschooling journey. Someone who is graduating their youngest child is so far out of the early schooling years that they may not be able to relate. But a parent whose child is 4-6 years older than yours has enough distance to offer solid advice, yet is close enough to still remember what it’s like.

Tip #3—Find a good fit

We all homeschool and parent differently, and while it’s always good to consider different perspectives, it won’t help you to find a mentor who is passionate about reading aloud and morning basket time if you have no desire to do that. Or a mentor who strongly believes in academic rigor and college prep, if you’re more of a “learn at their own pace” type of parent.

BUT WAIT- You’ve identified someone you’d like to mentor you. Now what?

Tip #4—Take the initiative

I want to revisit my earlier tidbit about bitterness. I was mad that no one was approaching me and begging to offer me all their wisdom. Now, I’m the older parent, and I know why.

It’s not because we don’t want to. We do. Homeschool parents love helping other homeschoolers. It’s because I don’t want to insert myself into someone’s life without their permission and offer unsolicited advice. I don’t want to assume I have the answers that someone else needs.

Which leaves it up to you, as the younger parent, to make that first awkward approach. If there is one key to building any kind of community, but especially this type of relationship, it is this: You need to take the initiative.

Tip #5—Flattery and Food

Raise your hand if you like it when someone gives you a compliment and also buys you a coffee. I know I do. After you’ve met someone, chatted for a little while, and decided you’d like to pick their homeschooling brain, approach with flattery and food. Something like:

“I really admire your commitment to family learning. Is there a time I could take you to coffee and ask some questions about how you homeschool?”

Or:

“I really appreciate how respectful and inquisitive your kids are. Would you be willing to go to In-N-Out with me sometime so I can ask some questions about homeschooling? My treat!”

Keep it short. Keep it simple. Involve food.

Tip #6—Meet on their schedule

I know that, as a parent of a young student, you feel busy. You are busy. But please trust me when I tell you—schooling older children brings a whole new level of busy. If they have high school students, they are juggling testing and work, and their car keys are disappearing off to Dutch Bros in the middle of the day. By upper elementary, schedules get more rigid, and flexibility becomes harder. Ask them when they are available and find a way to make it work.

Tip #7—Set clear and realistic expectations

This is the last one, I promise! After you’ve met a few times and feel this is a connection you’d like to continue, be upfront and set clear, realistic expectations so you both understand the commitment. 

Instead of “Could you mentor me?” ask, “I’d love to meet with you once a month for an hour to talk about scheduling and teaching multiple kids.”

Instead of “Could I call you with questions?” try “Could we schedule a 30-minute phone call every other week to chat?”

Again, I want to emphasize—veteran homeschoolers WANT to help you. We have a lot going on, and our brains are being pulled in many different directions. But we want to say “yes” when you ask for our input! Be brave. Go out. Make a difference.